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I ain’t come here to bore ya
There’s this thing called dysphoria
It has an effect mentally
Reminds you of unwanted reality
It’s like blood deep in your vein
It’s existence drives you insane
How to cope and what to do
Nothing there to instruct you
Like each day, we differ from another
Dysphoric days are worse than others
I’m not who I’m meant to be
Awaiting treatment of T
So close yet so far away
Waiting times suck but one day
Treatment will start for me to be Lee
Eventually being the man I wanna be
All good things come to them that wait
Until then I continue to feel this hate
Of being someone I really am not
But what choice have I got
Already changed all I can
Without treatment to become a man
The dysphoria is damaging
I ask “am I managing?”
Not a yes and not a no
Days come and days go
Continuation of the tick and the tock
To get away from who I’m not
I’ve waited years, so very long
Just to feel like I belong
In the right life, the one of Lee
Then and only then will I live happily

Lee Kaye

Transitioning has been difficult for all the usual reasons.However what I've learned is that I am not responsible for how others think or feel about me and When I say this I dont just mean friends or family.To go to a hospital or doctors office for transition related care and be subjected to the ignorance of others caused me to be fearful to go get medical care when I needed it most.After years of dealing with this I learned;I'm not responsible for the ignorance of others.I am not responsible for derogatory comments or behavior and being in my thirties and a transgender man means the only thing in regards to seeking medical care that I am responsible for besides self care is;I have a responsibility to be as visible and educate as needed so that young people have better opportunities better care and receive all they need to live the best lives they can without fear of persecution.I am one man but I believe that when we are visible we begin to show the world who we truly are and maybe one day that means true equality for all;that's something I'd like to help be responsible for.

 

-Zaine 

Oregon

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